circles

This is what I fear. That what I know works somewhat, but it isn't right. If it isn't right, it will not serve into the long run.

I have lots of poker knowledge in my head. But it's quite jumbled. Some is definitely sound: I know pot odds; I understand reasons for betting and raising; I know what are good hands and what bad, and I understand why (and I don't just mean I know what are good hands for tight players; I know what hands are good against which type of players); I am not so bad at analysing hands in terms of their maths. I know the outlines of a lot of other parts of knowledge.

I know some of what I lack: I am not good at reading other players (too much playing and reading at the same time--which I can fix); I am not sure which hands to play in which situations, so that I'm not certain whether I'm playing too tight for a situation or too loose; I sometimes misfire with aggression--bluffing calling stations too much and tight players not enough; I sometimes play too weakly.

I chose sitngos because they fit my skillset best and because I started winning at them. I still do but I think anyone with my level of knowledge would. I want to do better. I don't want to play a million $5 sitngos and win at 20-30%. I want to crush them and move up, and win at higher levels.

So what should I do? I can't afford a coach to set me straight. I am afraid to keep piling good knowledge onto bad knowledge. I don't know how to analyse what I do, let alone what I know. I am afraid above all that I will start to win again, and not know whether I'm playing better, learning more, or just running better.

And the worst is, it spills over into life. I have started hating the people I play against. It's desperately unfair that they play so badly and win and I play well and lose and I can't get past it. And the frustration of not progressing makes me tilt in my life. It just makes everything seem so desperate. And it all feeds back, in a vicious circle.

Sometimes I feel I should take a break for a couple of months, let my head clear and then start from scratch. Imagine I know nothing and start from that.

But what good would it do? The old knowledge would crowd back into my head and I'd be back here a couple of weeks later.