yes I do

So this is a $5 tourney. I've played the fish before, and I know he's basically clueless. But this is horrible:


TEXAS_HOLDEM, NO_LIMIT, T4-57441207-37
ANTES/BLINDS
Fishtard posts blind ($75), Dr Zen posts blind ($150).

PRE-FLOP
4 folds Fishtard calls $75, Dr Zen checks.

I have A5s and could play it harder, but this fish is likely to call anything and I'll never know where I am in the hand, so I play it safe.


FLOP [board cards:TSJD7C ]
Fishtard checks, Dr Zen checks.

TURN [board cards:TSJD7CQC ]
Fishtard checks, Dr Zen checks.


A king would be nice.

RIVER [board cards:TSJD7CQCKS ]


That's nice. I have the nuts, of course.


Fishtard bets $300

Hello? You have the nuts too.

Then it strikes me. The nuts is not the only hand this fish will bet.

Dr Zen bets $1,855 and is all-in

It's a longshot but fuck it, I have the nuts and cannot lose, whatever happens.

Fishtard calls $1,555.

SHOWDOWN
Dr Zen shows [AH5H ]

Yes, I have the nuts, fishy.

Fishtard shows [3HKH ]

OMG.

Dr Zen wins $4,010.

Double me up, biatch. The mind boggles at how bad a player can be. Even if you think I might be bluffing there, you still fold. Calling is insane because I can so easily have an ace. Maybe Fishtard always bets ace high on that flop, and doesn't understand why I would play it so weakly, I don't know. Maybe he just sees his pair and nothing else.


Sadly, I still bubbled in this tourney. The other players traded chips for a few orbits as I ran completely card dead. Then I pick up QQ raise and one of the tards pushes his AT. I snapcall and he rivers the ace. Sigh. The worst of it is that the other players conspired to play so badly that they got Fishtard into the money. Double sigh.