How poker works

How poker works:
Texas Hold'em $0.25-$0.50 (real money), hand #1,257,065,106 Table Novosibirsk, 14 Nov 2006 1:37 PM ET
Seat 9: Dr Zen [ QH,AC ] ($31.15 in chips)

PRE-FLOP Dr Zen bets $0.50, LAGgy guy bets $0.75, fish folds, LAG folds, SLAG folds, LAG folds, Rock folds, Rock folds, Weaktighty folds, Pisspoor TAG calls $0.50, Dr Zen calls $0.25.

FLOP [board cards AS,KC,QS ]
Hooray! I have two pairs. Boo! It's beaten by most of the hands my opponents hold. Let's hope that the LAGgy guy threebet me with a pair of tens.

TAG checks, Dr Zen checks

I am checkraising the motherfucker. Bring it!

LAGgy bets $0.25, TAG folds, Dr Zen bets $0.50, LAGgy guy bets $0.50

He does this with any ace and probably with JJ/TT too. Let's cap it.

Dr Zen bets $0.50, LAGgy calls $0.25.

TURN [board cards AS,KC,QS,2C ]
Okay, at least it wasn't a jack, but obviously I'd like a queen to come. I have the lead so I have to bet.

Dr Zen bets $0.50, LAGgy guy bets $1

FUCK! He has AK/KK. This guy is not aggro enough postflop to try to push me off the hand.

Dr Zen calls $0.50.

I call. I'm sure I'm beaten but there's just enough chance LAGgy guy could have ATs in clubs, AJ or some shit like that.

RIVER [board cards AS,KC,QS,2C,10C ]
Well, I'm now beaten if he has anything that wasn't beating me on the turn. This has happened to me a lot recently. I raise in EP with a big hand and I run into bigger. I'm winning because my smaller hands are pulling in pots, but the premium cards are dogshit at the moment. I had a pair of aces cracked in this same session (by a guy who posted and called my raise with J5!).

Dr Zen checks

I fold if he bets. Some players bluff here because two draws have come in but it's retarded to do that. Maybe in NL. Never in limit. Nothing he has been betting with folds here for a bet.

LAGgy guy checks.

Thank fuck. At least I'll get to see his cards. I was folding to a bet.

SHOWDOWN
Dr Zen shows [ QH,AC ]
LAGgy guy shows [ KD,AH ]

Sigh. So the next hand I'm in the big blind.

Texas Hold'em $0.25-$0.50 (real money), hand #1,257,066,633 Table Novosibirsk, 14 Nov 2006 1:38 PM ET

Seat 9: Dr Zen [ AH,5H ] ($28.40 in chips)
Not the best hand but better than average in the BB.

PRE-FLOP Fish calls $0.25, LAGtard Raisefoldbot bets $0.50, Dr Zen calls $0.25, Fish calls $0.25.

I'm not folding a suited ace to someone I know will raise with pisspoor rubbish. I don't threebet because I want Fishy in the hand if I hit my FD and I'm OOP.

FLOP [board cards 4S,5D,8C ]
Shit. Horrible flop. Still, I have a pair. I'll C/R this guy and see whether he likes it. If he threebets, I'm just about done. But if he doesn't, I'm probably ahead.

Dr Zen checks, Fish checks, LAGtard bets $0.25

Predictably. A raisefold bot is always betting if he's checked to on the button.

Dr Zen bets $0.50

Raaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiise it up! I have middle pair! Monster!

Fish folds, LAGtard calls $0.25.

Hmmmm. He probably has OCs. He's raising if he has something. Let's look at the turn.

TURN [board cards 4S,5D,8C,6H ]
He still has nothing. Let's check to him to make it look like I have nothing too.

Dr Zen checks LAGtard bets $0.50

He predictably bets. Then I make a mistake. Dr Zen calls $0.50. Whoops! Should have raised. Clicked the wrong button, went insane, went weak at the knees. Anyway, I am still ahead, so who knows?

RIVER [board cards 4S,5D,8C,6H,7H ]
Woohoo! The river makes an on-the-board str8. Hold on though. You just know he holds a 9. Don't ask me how I know. I just know.

Dr Zen checks, LAGtard bets $0.50, Dr Zen calls $0.50.

I have to call. Sometimes the LAGtard has no 9 and I'm throwing away half the pot those times. Put it this way. I'm betting with air here if I think the other guy can fold so I expect any aggro player to. I don't do it in this hand because I'm OOP.

SHOWDOWN LAGtard shows [ QS,9S ]
But of course.